Did he hurt them?

For so long I tried to ignore something that I feared. I mean in the beginning things didnt seem as bad. I was blindsided by feelings that I used to try and cover up what really was going on. You see once upon a time I had a stepdaughter. She was the most beautiful little baby girl that I had seen when I first met her. Huge chubby cheeks and a little smile. Now Ive always been very maternal so I just zeroed in on that baby and was enthralled. I loved holding her and taking care of her. Those moments were wonderful and she was such a loving little baby. But all good things come to an end right. Well as she started to learn to babble she would call me mama and I would correct her and tell her my name. It was the right thing to do, because you see she had a mama. Then one day her mama came to pick her up and that sweet lil baby reached back for me and said "mama" in front of her mother. All hell broke loose after that moment.

What mother wouldnt be hurt and upset when their child clearly prefers someone else and calls that other person mama. But from that moment on we had to face countless allegations of child abuse, her refusing to let us have her for visits and non stop back and forth bickering. And all through it I just continued to love that child and be the one who took care of her. Im the one who taught her to crawl, to walk. I helped her reach all her milestones because in truth, her mother was to busy trying to put herself backtogether after the divorce. Post partum depression played a big roll in the reason why she and her baby didnt connect that first year. And secretly I really wished she would put her child first. But it didnt matter that I was doing what any sane woman would want someone to do for their child. Treat there child with love and care for them. You see, my ex wasnt doing his job. He never had and never will most likely. He ignored her, and became caught up in the game his ex was playing. Trying to hurt the other person, using the baby as a pawn.

Those first couple years were hell. But then it happened. An accident, all newly learning to walk toddlers will fall and bump into things and one bruise sparked a war that was out of control. From that moment on I never wanted to be left alone with her. I was terrfied of being accused of hurting her. It didnt even matter that I could provide proof that I was no wheres around, that I had time sheets and security videos from work proving i was at work when the mother would make an accusation. It was non stop. It was to the point where I didnt want to go home when my poor sweet stepchild was there because I was afraid of being accused of hurting her.

Ill never forget when that lil toddler came for a visit and told my inlaws and my ex and me that her stepdad was hurting her 'down there'. And the attending dr at the hospital saying there wasnt enough scarring to prove anything. The cops and the cps workers standing in the hospital turned to the mother and told her she had two choices. Kick her boyfriend out of the house or the child could not go back to the house. You know who she chose? She chose to keep her boyfriend. She laughed when she was told the accusations, she kissed him and hugged him and didnt try to comfort her little girl. I was so sick to my stomach. But countless court battles never led anywhere. You see, this county we live in is small. And the mothers family was very good friends with the judge and in fact the mom had gone to school with a couple of the cps workers. Our request for a seperate county cps to investigate was denied and we werent allowed a different judge. So despite my husband beating me, as far as I knew he had never laid a hand on the children. And I felt that our home would have been better for the child then her mothers home. At least she would be physically safe here and loved and put first. But no such luck.

This cycle of allegations between the two houses went on for years. I had hoped that if the mothers thought I didnt care anymore, that I didnt want her as my daughter, that maybe she would back off, maybe she would end this awful evil game of hers. But that didnt work either. Then the final time happened. I wasnt even in the same county. I was hospitalized almost an hour away during her visit. But even then she accused me. That was that. I gave up 100%. I couldnt keep going through it. Call me an awful person but I couldnt risk my own children anymore. So no more visits in my home. The ex was granted supervised visits only from then on.

Now as far as I had known he had never hurt the children. But I look back and that last time really offers no other explanation. Did he do it? Did he hurt her. Was he doing it all along? For the most part once she became a toddler my interaction with her lessened to almost nill due to all the bs going on. So when he had visits he was alone with her alot. It sickens me to think he was probably abusing her the entire time just to use it and turn it around and blame her mother. Now niether the mother or my ex were good people. But to think I was living with a man who may have been physically harming a child the entire time makes me want to throw up. Im lost. Im scared and Im teetering on an edge of I have no clue what. But if he had been hurting her the entire time, could he be hurting my children too? The other day in front of people I asked my son how he had gotten a mark on his face. I fully expected him to tell me his little sister had done it to him. But his answer shocked me and made the blood pound in my ears and the room spin. He told me how his father had picked him up and threw him off the bed onto the floor against the wall. He then showed me a bump on his head hidden by his hair.

What do I do. Because I dont want my kids over there at all. And going through the cps battles all over again will be never ending. I really fucked up. Not just my life, but my childrens lives as well. I chose a monster to be their biological father and now this nightmare of a man is in their lives and I have no idea how to get him out of the picture.