Its been crazy with the holidays and birthdays lately. The kids and I had a blast for holloween and for my middle ones bday. Weve been busy with school projects and fundraisers, with home repairs and finding fun things to do. But amongst all of that still lurking in the background is the ex, constantly trying to cause problems.
Its a surprise if a day has gone by without hearing from him in one way or another. Without being reminded of how much better my life is without him in it. The other day he came up with a story of how he is messing with a mans woman and that man has threatened my ex by saying he has access to my kids. Now with my ex we have no way of knowing if this story is true or if he is just trying to get attention again. When he has his visitation he fills the kids heads with lies. Stories of this life he had lived. How he is a famouns fighter, musicion, army vetern and more. And not a single one of those are true. I worry about how my kids are gonna be treated when they are older and tell their friends that "My daddy did this......." and their friends mention it to their parents and the truth comes out. You see the vast majority of people in this county know my ex. They know of him because of how much a liar he is. They all have heard the stories, many have had dealings with him and many more have all seen the online "fan" clubs of people hating him. My kids will have to live with so much all because the ex is such a concieted, selfish, lying, horriable man.
Today a mom at the school stopped me after drop off. They talked with me. Shared experiance and told me it gets better. People know about the situation, not because Ive told them. I dont. I try to keep that shit underwraps with only select friends knowing. They know because they have seen us all these years. They saw the signs of me being a victim of violence. They saw how he had hit on anything that remotely resembled a female. They had all come across him at one point or another when he was with his many side chicks. I feel ashamed that Im a victim. I know I shouldnt. But there is a part of me that does. Knowing that others knows. Some days are just harder then others.
This morning I was awoken by him sending a msg that contained a photo. One of his newest girlfriends and him and my oldest child had went out to eat. I know he sent it just to try and start problems. He then continued to send msgs to me about how Im doing so many things wrong. I had to put the phone down and just ignore it. I dont need my day to be ruined by him still trying to treat me like his possesion. I belong to know one. I am my own person and I matter. I have three amazing children who remind me everyday how wonderful life is. Because I am their mother. I will survive.
No comments:
Post a Comment