Pots n Pans n Real Men

I have had this pot and frying pan for 8 yrs n 1 month. Theres also a smaller pot that goes with it. It was a set that was the Only wedding gift we were given. We didnt have a wedding. We went to a justice of the peace. Requested that no friends or family show up, hell didnt tell anyone for the most part. But our pastor at the time found out and he and his wife gave us this damn set. I really liked our pastor and his wife. They were some of the nicest people. We stopped going there thanks to him. He ruined everything.

Ive used this set all thru the years with the rest of my pots n pans. I never gave it much thought but today as I began preparing for dinner it sunk in. Holy crap this was a "wedding gift". Im not with him anymore. Do I want to keep the one and only thing we were given? I went thru a myrid of emotions, from sadness to anger. Mostly disgust and anger. That itty bitty sadness lasted for just a few moments. Im sad that my marriage failed because I believe in marriage. But Im not sad that Im not with Him.

Not being with him is the greatest thing Ive experianced in nearly a decade. I am free to be myself, whoever I am that is. I am exploring and finding me. Learning I am not that beaten down wife who was granted continued existance only because of his say so. I am worthy of anything that anyone else is. I can wake up in the morning knowing that if the house isnt spic n span it wont be held over my head. That if I choose to cook pork I wont have to listen to him go on and on about how awful I am and how disgusting I am for eating pork. For frick sake its food and it tastes pretty damn good. Who doesnt like bacon? I dont have to be compared to other women on a daily. I dont have to live with the shame that he heaped on me all the time just to make hisself feel better.

So I stared at this pot n pan and decided who gives a crap. Its useful, more useful then he ever was. Im not going to allow the association of how it was attained to ruin it for me. And that transfers over to me, my life and my ability to meet new people. So many people are judgmentle. I am judged over the fact that I was married to such an awful piece of crap. Its held against me. Some people dont want to be friends with me because of the huge amount of people who hate my ex. And that also rolls over to men. There are gonna be men who wont want to date me because of my ex. And thats not my fault or my problem. Its the mens problem. If they are that judgmentle and that pathetic to use my ex against me, then they are not someone I would want in my life. If I date someone, Id want it to be a real man. NOT another boy pretending at being a grownup.