The other night my children took me out to dinner for an early birthday celrebation. I had so much fun spending time with them and a couple other family members. It being so close to christmas its really hit home with everything thats happened, I appreciate my family so much. In just a couple hours the kiddos will be coming home early from school and the start of xmas vacation begins. And of course the weather is now warming up and all that fun snow is slowly melting. Which stinks. I was prepared to to make ice igloos with the kids.
This weekend Im going on a camping trip which has me super excited. Originally we were going to snowshoe in a few miles then pitch a tent and totally take on the freezing temperatures. Now its going to rain the forecast says, so Im sure this will be an interesting trip. But either way Im still excited. I havent been able to go camping in a near decade. Im hoping I can handle the hiking pack which will surely feel heavy very fast after trekking thru the deep snow.
Whats been bothering me lately is the fact that I second guess everyones intentions. I spent so many years living with a liar that I cant help but wonder if anything anyone says is the truth. And I worry that this is going to negativly effect me because I have a hard time with trust now. But Im working through it. Im trying. And everytime I am given a compliment, everytime I hear a story, everytime my hand is held, my heart cracks open a tiny bit more. To be loved you need to love. And love needs trust. And Im pretty sure I am starting to trust. I think I might be ready to let go and open up.
But some bad or sad news has to happen. Today I will be taking the family cat to the vet to be put to sleep. He has been battling an illness for quite sometime and I had hoped he would make it past christmas but its time. And my kids are so heartbroken over it. Ive made it as clear as possible to friends and family that no matter what I do NOT want anyone bringing over a kitten/cat as a gift, now or in the future. We are done. Its just so heartbreaking to lose our furry friends. And at some point in the near future he said he was going to finally come and take his dog. So once that happens it will leave us with just two pets left in the house. And one of them may be leaving soon as well. Its hard making all these decisions but I need to do whats right for my children and for the animals. Now that Ive typed my way into a depressed mood I better get off of here and go cuddle that annoyingly pain in the butt cat and cry how much I will miss him.
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