Surviving the Holidays

Well christmas is finally over and the children are all overjoyed with their gifts. Its been a crazy few days but in the end everything turned out.

My birthday weekend was spent in the woods in a tiny tent, in the rain. And it was great. The end of christmas day was spent in the hospital after my oldest came home from a visit with him. Apparently an allergic reaction to some unknown thing at his place. Severe enough where they want an Epipen kept on hand at all times just in case it happens again. Last night brought out the asshole in him. I knew the past couple weeks of him being nicish wouldnt last. He became irrate and angry with me. Saying everything was my fault that she had an allergic reaction to something in his parents home. Accused me of being irresponsible for not being there when it happened, for not handling it for him. When he informed me that there was a problem I immediatly began driving for his place to get her. I was 30 mins away and I made it in half that time. I took her to the hospital, while he took a shower, went out to get a bite to eat then showed up to see how she was doing cuz she asked him to come. But thats right. Im the one at fault. puhlease.

My childrens cat had to be put to sleep. Cancer riddled his body and he was in too much pain to keep fighting it any longer. It dampened the holidays but it was the right thing to do. My brother dug a hole in the frozen ground for us and my friend burried him for me. I stayed silent, didnt want to break down. It was just a cat, but still, he was a family member. This year has brought a lot of grief.

My goal over the next couple months is to get rid of anything that we dont actually use every month. No point in keeping it for a future day. I want to make it so when the time comes to pack up and move, it wont be such a hassel. And I damn well plan on moving. Yes I only have a couple years left on this mortgage, but I cant stay in this house any longer. Its time to start fresh, start over new somewhere else. Build new memories without the taint of old nightmares.

The someone special in my life is to damn special. My family likes him and my family never likes anyone. And me. Well Im scared to death but happy. I havent been happy with someone in a near decade. Being treated with respect, being cared for. Its a new experiance. Im still holding back, but I want to make sure what i feel is real. Not just a flash emotion to all this new stuff. But my mind is finally ready to accept what my heart is saying.