Naviagtion

Ive been trying to navigate this whole dating world and continue navigating the entire Im a single parent with a piece of shit ex world. Its been quite the trip. The ex, well he is the same as always. A narcistic abusive asshole who thinks the entire world owes him something. He doesnt like the fact that Ive gotten on with my life. That I no longer cower when a shadow appears. That I no longer give him all of my paycheck, that I no longer fear him with such a passion that I couldnt manage to make a decision without his permission.

Instead here I am. I support me and my children. Yea I dont make much money but I try and damnit Ive succeeded. I finally bit the bullet and took out a loan I couldnt afford and got myself a car. And its a nice one, or at least to me it is. Because now I can fit all the kids in and they dont have to be crammed against one another. Thank God for Third Row seating. Ive began slowly cleaning out the house. Tossing out stuff that I havent used, no point in keeping something that I may someday need. Seriously, I hate clutter and I hate knick knacks so this is uplifting for me. I walk thru a room and just grab something off a shelf and toss it in the garbage. Why the heck did I keep that decorative crap? Decorative equals more dusting, so screw it.

My boyfriend... Sounds weird to use that word. Makes me feel like Im back in highschool. Well there is no other term for it really, so My BF has been amazing. I enjoy spending time with him and miss him when he isnt here. Its been a bit tricky. Im trying to balance the time the kids are home as the time when the BF isnt here. I dont want the kids to feel like he is cutting in on their time. But at the same time I want them to get to know him and hopefully eventually if this relationship works out the way we both have discussed, well one day living together. Were both in it for the long haul as long as we continue to mesh well. And the meshing has gone great. The few times he has been around the kids its gone well. Of course my oldest is still having a difficult time with it. The ex tells them kids not to like my BF, he says quite a bit of awful rude BS. But thats the type of guy he is. I can only hope that the kids will be strong enough to survive it all.

Once again Im forced to spend money to potentially make money. I have a rental property and finding good tenants is nearly impossible. With the current ones nearly $2grand behind in payments Im now forced to find money I dont have to pay my lawyer to take these scum to court. Drives me nuts. I have never been able to understand how people can have no morals. How they have no shame in using people and hurting others. These tenants and my ex would probably be best friends if they met.

Occasionally I come across a piece of me that had broken off during those years and I pick it back up and fit it back in like a puzzle piece. I think pretty soon I am going to be whole again, or more like I will still have pieces missing but I will be an entire new me.