Its been good lately. He has finally distanced hisself from me and no longer bugs me on a daily basis. I still hear from him, but thankfully its not a constant tirade of his abuse. He usually will msg about god knows what, then immediatly follow up with another text saying Im not allowed to contact him back. I just laugh. What else can I do? I dont want to contact him, I dont want him in any form at all. Im happy to just live my life without him in it. Without him ruling over me, demanding,terrorizing, abusing, breaking me.
My kids are pretty damn amazing. Everyday they push me to the edge of sanity and reel me back in just as fast. They are good kids who love and fight with eachother. Who have their selfish moments but for the most part all they want to do is help others. I love them so much. All I can do is hope that they can survive what their father has put us through. And everyday I wonder what kind of damage he is doing. Yesterday I had to bite my tongue as my kids brought up 9/11 and mentioned how their daddy had said he went down there and helped rescue people. I said they must have misunderstood him. That they should talk to their grandmother about what their daddy had said. I would hope that she would be honest with them. That maybe hearing this from them would help her relize how far gone her son is with his view of reality. Though this is a new one for him, not surprising but its so damn disturbing for someone to lie about something as tramautic as 9/11.
This morning I dragged my kids out of bed and buckled them into the car before the sun was shining. We went to my brothers house to take care of his dog while he is out of town. On our way back home we were forced to stop the car as seagulls took over the road and refused to move. We laughed and waved at the birds and went right up to them. Eventually pushing them out of the way so we could continue on our way. Im hoping the rest of the day is filled with more sweet giggles and belly laughs. More smiles and shining eyes. These kiddos of mine make everyday worth it.
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