Happy Anniversary

The other day was our wedding anniversary and when that clicked in my head I admit I stood there staring blindly into space for a good minute. I was in the midst of renewing licenses for the dogs, including his, the one he abandoned. Thankfully the clerk didnt realize I had been transported to another world for a few short moments, but I snapped out of it, thanked her and walked to my car. I sat down and held onto the steering wheel as my emotions pinwheeled around.

I was sad. Sad for a few different reasons. Sad that my marriage just didnt work. That something that I believe is supposed to be till death do us part, well it obviously didnt end via death. It ended via him being an abusive crappy husband who was a serial cheater on top of it. I was sad that I had stayed and put up with it for so damn long. I was mad. Mad that here I was not celebrating my anniversary because he is a sociopath. Mad because I had been in such an awful situation for so many years, mad that the first time he hit me that I didnt hit him back, that the second time he hit me that I didnt kill him. Mad that I didnt walk out that damn door and never looked back.

I was also happy. Thats right. I was happy. Because here I am, alive. I survived. I made it. I got away. And now I can live. Now I can love and be loved.