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So I feel pretty good right now. I managed to fit in a few days of working out, kayaking and having great days with the kids. Trying to pack in a bunch of fun in the last bit before school starts up. I have plans to hangout with some friends and got to go out on the harley the other day which was nice. I used to ride all the time before I met him. Since Ive been with him I think Ive ridden only a handful of times. The same can be said for horseback riding, I used to compete and ride all the time, since him, well I think Ive ridden twice. I feel pretty damn good right now. A friend has been helping boost my confidence. Im not his doormat, Im not his too skinny/too fat property anymore. My friend, well thanks to them I can walk with a bit more confidence now.

I had to take off of work the other day for a long awaited appointment. Crazy ass ended up texting me/calling me to complain about how he knew I wasnt working. I didnt respond to his insanity. I dont know if he figured out where I was all day or not, but I have a feeling he didnt know and thats what made him so angry. God, even after all these months he thinks he still owns me and wants to put me back on a leash to make sure I dont do anything without his permission. He really believes I will take him back. That I cant survive without him. Even a couple months after I kicked him out, he was lying to the neighbors about how he was just working so much- thats why his car wasnt in the driveway. Same thing with the school. He doesnt want anyone to know that his pathetic ass was booted. That his wife finally had enough of being his doormat/punching bag and now he was back to living with his mom. Tomorrow we have a teacher conferance and I have a strong feeling he is going to try and make us look like a happy family. If he lays one finger on me I will lose it. I dont want to backslide and I know how terrifying he can be. How with a single touch he can break you down with his manipulation and intimidation tactics. I plan on going to the school and letting them know about the current custody order and whatnot. I have a relative and friends who work in the school and they were very helpful during the last month of school when I first kicked him out. They knew to be on the lookout for crazy crap. Like the time he tried taking them from the school on one of my days. That day scared me.

Im learning to let go of the whole idea I had of what my life was going to be and supposed to be like. It didnt work out this time around. Maybe it will the next time. But I have to say goodbye to this life for me to be able to move on in search of the next. There has to be something better out there. Not only for my family but for me. But it starts with me. Im slowly getting happy. Its like I was chained up in sorrow due to the awful life I had been living and now those chains have fallen away and I am stepping out into the sunshine again. Im still going to have a lot of baggage. You cant just drop that off and let go with the snap of your fingers. Im still gonna be scared that he will do what he has threatened. But eventually I will be strong enough to not fear him.