Its been a long time since Ive written anything to post. Though countless times Ive written up posts in my head, just never had the time to get to the computer and share. So much has happened over the past few months. Once my divorce was official I really thought things would change for the better. I had hoped that those official documents would bring both peace to me, but to Him as well. I had hoped he would move on and place his focus elsewhere. But instead, he became more rude, more irritable and argumentative. I still save all the texts he sends, I try to never communicate with him except by texts, and I never want to speak to him unless its regarding the children. My poor sweet children who are mixed up in this crazy world. Who suffer because of their parents poor decisions.
We have been battling a head lice problem for two months now. They came home from their dads with it, I tackle this full force everyday they are with me, washing bedding constantly, cleaning the house like its the only way to survive and treating their hair with everything possible. By the time they go back to their dads you can not find a single egg or lice in their hair. By the time they come home their hair is crawling with it, where you can see them from a few feet away. I have tried multiple times to talk to him about how he needs to treat at his home and everyone in his home. He denies any wrong doing, claiming the kids have no lice at all. Its a battle. Everything is a battle with him. He constantly tells the children rude things about me- lies. He also encourages the kids to say mean things about my boyfriend. And when the kids are with him and they me or my BF he will yell at them for waving or saying hi. He truly does not care about the damage he does to them. It hurts so much.
All the kids are still in counseling. My oldest needs it the most since she is the most effected by her father. She believes everything he says and he truly enjoys manipulating her. But she is dead set on protecting her dad. Counseling has been useless because she refuses to say anything about her dad, about what he does. And Im sad to say her and my relationship has been so rocky and I don't know how to fix it. Her dad tells her his made up stories, justifying everything he does. Telling her how I ruined our family, how he is Gods gift to mankind and how Im the devil incarnate. So when she comes home and questions me, wants to know my "side" of the story she isn't given one. I tell her I love her, that she is too young to know about everything that happened, that he is her father and I wont say something bad about him to her. So she says, "Dad told me the truth. You wont tell me because your a liar." It breaks my heart. I wont lie. I wish I could just grab her and tell her, Your dad is a liar, he is a manipulator, he steals peoples identity's, is being investigated for multiple frauds, he has endangered countless lives, he abused me badly for years and he is just a piece of shit. But I don't. I wont be him and damage her love for a parent.
Something pretty big is happening. I know many people may be against it. Citing timing as one of the main reasons. But its happened and I am happy. I spoke with my drs and we decided to have a child. I wanted at least one more child and now was my last shot at it. Im not getting any younger and my body wont last forever. So we are taking it careful and enjoying every moment of it. My baby is healthy and so am I. All of us, including the children and my family are excited. But ever since the kids mentioned it to their father he has been enraged. He has stepped up his antics. Stalking around our house all the time. Screaming obscenities at us when he sees us. Going back to his threatening/intimidating behavior. The police have been involved a couple of times so far. Once by him, lying and saying we were attacking him. The second time when I photographed what he was doing on/by my property. The cops laid into him for it I suppose, because since then I haven't seen him stalking around the property anymore - unless he is doing it at night when we are sleeping, or when Im not home. But many people are worried about what he is going to do next. Everyone that has met him knows how mentally unstable he is. They truly worry he will physically hurt us or the children. And for how Im doing during this- well its brought back memories. Especially when he stood outside my home the other day screaming that he owned me, that Im his fucking wife, this is his fucking house and his fucking cars and so on. Im NOT his. He never paid a penny towards this house, and my cars are new , purchased long after we ended. He is psychotic.
