I finally Had Enough

Ive been busy trying to figure things out. Come to terms with where my life is at now, and where it could possibly go. Burying myself in work to keep my mind off things at times, and other times I find myself sitting here blindly. Wondering how the hell its come to this. It was a bad week at first, but then most of my babies came home early from visitation which brightened my days.

I guess I will never understand how someone could ever be what he was/is. How does someone just decide to begin hurting others? To take the person who you profess to love and simply break them till they are barely alive anymore. To smash their trust, their heart, their soul to itty bitty pieces. To look into the face of the person who gives you their all, and hit them. Throw them to the ground and have no regrets. Show no remorse, because if you regretted it, had one iota of remorse, you wouldnt do it ever again. How can you pledge your love, take vows, then cheat on them? And if that wasnt bad enough, choke them till they black out. I gave that man my eveything. I stood by him even when hundreds of people hated him. But by then, I had no choice anymore. I gave my heart, he crushed it, he owned me and he knew it.

I suppose he thought I would never leave him. That I would always be his doormat. That he could continue to treat me horribly and never have to answer for his sins. That he could "have his cake and eat it too". And he probably would have gotten away with this for another forteen or more years. But I realized, staying for the kids was not really for the kids. As he slammed me against the wall and threw me to the ground, making hisself feel like a big man, I stopped screaming inside. It wasnt easier, and it wasnt harder. But something in me finally snapped, or finally fell into place. I finally had enough. I knew there was no way I could take anymore. I was shriveling up inside and there would be no going back, no staying alive. So I got away.

These past few months have been a roller coaster ride. Ive bounced back and forth between emotions. Had my ups and downs. Getting my ducks in a row and learning how to breath. Trying to get closure.