Comfort Zone

I took a walk today. Of course I brought one of my dogs with me so Id feel safer. Walked through town and tried to focus on the "sights", blot out the fact that there were lots of people around. Ignore them, get used to them to a point where I wouldnt notice them. I dont know what Id do if I tried walking without a dog. When someone is behind me, my boy will alert me to it. He will lead me off to the side so I can wait till that person is in front of us. He stops me from freaking out and running into the road when something happens. He blocks me with his body, he locates the cross walks and pushes the buttons. I focus on him and how I know he will keep people out of my personal space. He reads my emotions pretty well. When I start to get more nervous he will distract me. "Mouth" my hand (nibble at it) push against my side, do a lil hop up to get into my line of sight and act a lil playful. When Ive had to much he takes the lead and finds our way back to the truck. He will circle it then look inside before we both load up. He's my smart lil cookie.

Usually I have an off putting nature when Im out and about. I dont want people to try and talk with me, but I try to smile and seem friendly- or at least not terrified or angry. Today a person tried to start a conversation with me, Kio calmy stepped inbetween us and I managed to get thru the entire experiance without hyper ventilating. I wish I could have him with me all the time. Would have came in handy the other day when at work. As I was walking into a room a guy followed me. The door is mechanical and was slowly opening, I freaked out and tried to go in faster, ended up pingponging off the door, to the door frame then into the room and stumbled to the floor. As the guy walked forward to help I proceeded to scamble up and try to wave him away as I put more space in between us. The guy clearly thought I was either a drunk or a lunatic. I really need to get a better handle on this crap. Not everyone is my ex. I can be safe.

Im still trying to figure out who I am. Or who I can be. Sorting out what my likes and dislikes are. I think I may have an idea about a few things. One thing is for sure. This is gonna be a long hard road.