Looking Up Up Up

Ive been doing really well. Putting the pieces back together, finding who I am, not who he made me be all this time. I really thought I was overcoming some of my fears, some of my issues. But crap happens sometimes. I cant talk about it right now. I dont want to dwell on it.

Instead the other stuff, life. Its been 'normal'. Im surviving. If I gotta compare myself to something, Id say it would be that damn fish that has somehow managed to stay alive this past year. You see, at one point I had the brilliant idea to turn a massive tank into a mini jungle for some pet amphibians. And what jungle is not complete without a pool on oneside with a waterfall. And of course it had to be filled with fish. The end result was amazing. But eventually this massive hundred gallon tank ended up housing only 1 tiny green critter smaller then the size of a lime. The water in the pool leaked out/evaporated. The fish had died, or so I had thought. When all along one fish had stayed alive and managed to hide itsself in an inch deep of water. This fish survived with nothing for months in an inch of water, no companionship, no help, no fish food. This lil thing would not give up. The other day I dug out all the plants and trees, downsized this 100gal tank into a 20gal and a smaller pool and promptly tossed this fighter into the water. He is happily swimming around in fresh water. He survived crappy conditions for so long. And so have I. Ive faced death, Ive lived off very little. I fought back and lived.

Today things are looking up. I have some family and friends here helping to rip off the roof and put on the new one. Or at least part of it. This house is a layer of levels and additions so there are around 7 roofs, all in different conditions. So three of them are being replaced sorta. Throwing on metal roof. Its gonna kill me cost wise, but this is needed badly. Next step is to figure out what to do with my broken furnace, its getting really cold in here. But Im managing.

As the guys work on the roof, I find myself inside baking and cooking. Making sure there is plenty of goodies for them to have. Its the least I can do. And thats something I enjoy doing. Ive always liked doing for others. Im the type who feels good when Ive met someones need, no matter what it is. I love cooking for others. Fixing something for someone such as sewing up a rip in their clothes. Lending an ear and advice if I have some. Finding something they want/need. Having someone say or even give me a look of 'thanks/appreciation' makes me feel good. Im like the damn dog who can barely contain her self after she recieves a "Good Girl" for doing something her master said to. Its just who I am. And thats ok.