Greatest Mistake

I honestly had a blast hanging out with a friend and her family. Our kids had so much fun and despite the rain we still attempted fishing. Only a couple of the kids managed to catch anything my middle child happily reeling in four fish. We laughed, we splashed in the mud, we all looked like drowned rats by the time we were done. But it was Great! The only negative came from him. We were in an area with no cell service so by the time we drove out of the woods my phone was flooded with texts and calls. Eventually those texts became threatening. His normal routine. Once again hinting at what he could do. Makes me look at my kids and think oh how I wish I could keep them from his evil. Run far away and live happily ever after.

I have been waiting and waiting to hear back from a few lawyers, apparently they all are dealing over flowing case loads. I just want this divorce. I just want to be legally free from him. We will always be tied together because of our children. I have always said he is my greatest mistake. Because without him I wouldnt have been blessed with my amazing babies. I will always be thankful for him because of my babies. But his genetic supply in creating my children is the only good thing he has accomplished in his life. For the most part my children adore him, they are blinded by the love a child has for their parents. His way with words and manipulation has made it so he could murder a hundred puppies and unicorns in front of them and they would still look to him with awe. Scares the crap out of me. I dont say anything to them about him. All I say in regards to their father and his family is that they "love them". Wether thats true or not, who knows. Their type of love is not good. But there is nothing I can do about it. With the help of counselors and lawyers we will figure it out.

I would do these past several years over again the same way. I would take the thousand beatings, chokings, harsh words and degradation, just to have my children again. It was worth it. My babies are worth anything and everything I have endured and will endure. The love I have for them is astounding. They truly are miracles. And today I hope to make them laugh and find excitement and joy as we head off to a science place and play.

Im also happy to have my body back. That may sound weird, but what I mean by this is my ex controlled me in many ways. At first demanding that I stay thin, then demanding that I put on a lot of weight, then degrading me for being bigger and not in shape. Ive lost ten lbs since I booted his butt. Im not truly concerned with weight. I just want to be healthy. But most importantly I want to be happy.