Put Myself Back Together

Despite what an evil man he is to the women in his life- he hasnt physically harmed the kids yet. Yet- such a scarey word. But I know he is emotionally damaging them. So the kids are going into counseling and a counselor will help me determine what needs to be done and wether it needs to be taken to court for their well being when it comes to his involvement in their lives.

In regards to me. Im still afraid of him. I still wonder when he will kick the door in one of these nights and attack me. I wish I could run out of state and start all over where he couldnt find me. The people who have learned about the situation all agree it is the only safe thing to do. But I cant do that. So I will struggle on.

I confronted him over the phone via text about information that was tossed onto my lap today. He denied it, then went and threatened the person who gave it to me. The girl he has manipulated is now stuck- her friends all have come forward and are worried, he wont allow her to talk to them or see them. But despite taking over her life, he denies knowing her (there are videos, pics and so much more proof) his mother stands by his side helping him cover up his second life that he lives. She also helps him to harm others by spreading lies and fabricating stories. I never realized what a nest of vipers I had married into.

Despite being scared Im also excited. I can finally "spread my wings" and step into the world and learn what I like- not what Im told to like. I can find who I really am and try to become who Id like to become. I can have dreams again and not be afraid that everything I say will be used against me. Right now I want to find a way to get out there and make friends, make connections with people. Laugh and smile and not look over my shoulder and flinch. I am not a doormat. I am a person and I deserve love. I deserve a chance and I will take one, not only for my kids but for ME. I may be broken right now, but Im trying to find all the pieces so maybe just maybe I can put myself back together.